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Letting go of your hand, I walk alone again. [entries|friends|calendar]

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[25 Aug 2007|01:12pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

ahhhhhhhh! I guess I should start writing in this again since I'm starting this so-called "new chapter of life." Well, here was my summer in a nutshell.


+Alex and I are completely done.

+Starting dating danny...then he broke up with me because I ended up not being "carefree and confident" Or did he mean I'm not "a girl who likes to just work not have a future and get high and drink all the time"? whatev...
I had soooooo much fun with that kid. Not to mention he spent a boatload of money on me during our relationship. We were pretty much like best friends, but I guess all those time he jokingly said "You're way too good for me, why do I deserve you?" Wasn't a joke in reality. Oh well, life moves on, right?

+New york bells trip was fun.

+Found out who my true friends are...which ended up being like 3 people lol

Now onto present day...

So since UIC likes to fuck people over, I'm currently living with uncle (who lives 5 minutes campus) until I have a dorm assigned to me. I mean, I am greatful that I have somewhere besides home so I don't have a make a long commute, but it still SUCKS not being on campus with the rest of the college kids making those first connections. But classes start soon, so I'll be on campus alot I suppose. I'm just nervous out of my mine for classes. Maybe because I havent bought books yet? lol. But college is the best time of your life, so why not take advantage of it....

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No words describe this, your face says everything. [21 Dec 2006|11:41pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

Ok, so after a long talk with my mom, I definitely need to relieve my feelings on LJ. Warning, high level of Teenage angst.

Since it's x-mas break, I was anticipating an exciting last senior year break. Boy, was I wrong. Sure, it's only the 3rd day of break but i know that most people my age are out doing young-adult things left and right. I'm not sure if it's jealousy or what, but I really can't take it anymore. And this goes deeper than just going out and doing stuff. I definitely lack the typical teenage image. I really don't have a set group of friends that go out every saturday or a group that shares all the same interests. And for a while, (a while meaning from 7th-9th grade) I thought I had that. Me and the rest of my bando friends usually hang out casually all the time and we seemed to all have the same interests. But I guess after I decided band isn't my whole life and that I don't want to be a music major, I started to drift away from that crowd. Part of it was also dating that idiot sophomore year, but most of it was realizing, "wow, I really don't belong here". And lately, I've been feeling that way again. I'm not saying that I don't have wonderful friends, cuz I do. I just wish that I could keep a group of people that all have the seem interests and like the same shows and have the same humor. It seems like every year or so, I go through one really close friend. Last year, it was Nicole. I know Nicole and I do have things in common, but for some reason we drifted away. Possibly from us both having boyfriends, but I really wish that didn't happen. I just can't believe that it's my senior year and I have no solid group of friends that I can come back to on my breaks and say "hey, you remember that one time when...?" And I really want that now. I know naturally I'm very much into solitude, which is probably why I surround myself around acquaintances instead of 2 or 3 best friends. Maybe it's the fact that the area I grew up in didn't prepare me enough. I mean I know that I'm cultured and smart but I mean culture wise. All the kids I see in high school all have their own ethnic group of friends. I'm not saying that I want to exclude myself from that, I just wish I had something to call my own. Being a black american gives me a huge disadvantage in the world. Black americans don't have culture. We don't have a language our grandparents taught our parents to eventually teach us. We have nothing to tie us back to who we are. Which is why I envy all those indian and asian kids who all hang out and speak the same language and just have a group they know will look out for them. And it sucks badly sometimes to be the token all the time. I just want something that I can grasp onto so when I'm 30 and I can say me and my friends all did this. I always just have friends who I arbitrarily hang out with; and some of them I have nothing in common with. I can honestly say I have 2 best friends for sure. Though one is my boyfriend...so I hope that counts. And the other I've been friends with since 4th grade. *sigh* Maybe it's me that the problem. I'm not the typical girly girl, which is why I don't have too many girlfriends. I'm too reserved at times, so I'm not one to dance or heavily party. I just don't get it. I want to be able to get my group of friends together to go to prom or something like that. I just want to have people like me I guess. I hope that when I go to college, I find a few people like me; not quite artsy, but likes band stuff; into rock but sorda into hip hop. Is that too much to ask for? I also fear that when I get into the real world my liberal suburban upbringing will lead me into a pit of destruction. I fear I'm not gonna fit in with anyone at all, especially anyone black. I guess what Chris Rock says is true, "You're not gonna find anyone who likes Seinfeld and the Wu-tang Clan. I just can't happen" Aside from that being funny, that's how I feel.

Well, I think I feel better now that I splurged.

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If timing play evident, what will you say you're later? [21 Dec 2006|01:31am]
[ mood | chipper ]

Long, long time since I've updated. Looking back on my journal history, I usually begin updating around this time of the year. Meh. So I guess I'll update in a bulleted format: (Most exciting news at the beginning, of course)

-I just found out that I got accepted to the University of Illinois at Springfield. [Where IHSA drama finals were last year for those of you who remember]. I'm so happy right now. Sure, UIS isn't Ivy league/Big 10, but it's a really good liberal arts/poli sci school. So I'm very happy about that.

-On friday [12/15] I saw MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE (along with Rise against and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus) with Kaitlyn, Spence, and Mike Laughlin. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but MCR beat Linkin Park by having a better performance. All I can say is that they were AMAZING. Like, I wanted to cry when it was over. Hopefully, I'll see them in March.

-Just got hired at the starbucks at startford mall and I start tuesday and hopefully going to a training seminal downtown.

-Ms. Lindenberg called my house to tell me that I received a "B" on my AP psych final. Happy? Of course I am now that I'm getting a B instead of a C. Sad? Yeah, I really wanted that damn A. But I guess I just grateful that AP teachers give awesome curves.

-It turns out that tumor/mass removed from my mom's leg wasn't cancer. Can you say relieved?

-I got accepted to North Central College, which is awesome. And I got rejected from Loyola...damn Jesusits. ha.

-Alex and I are still happily together -going on 11 months. I think that's pretty cool.

-Recently (and accidently, mind you.) backed up into some 16 yr. old girl's Audi A4. That was fun. +_+

Ok, enough with that. I'll just have to deal with typing in full sentences. Well, marching band ended well. The senior skit wasn't crap and it was actually an enjoyable awards night. My section is awesome, they got me and awesome framed collage of pictures and a best buy gift card I still can't believe that chapter of my life is forever gone. Crazy.

School is ok, I suppose. This has definitely been my hardest academic year hands down. I hate and love AP bio. I guess if Ms. Pierce actually taught something besides how fix everyone's grade before the final, I'd enjoy it more. Don't get me wrong, I love Mrs. Pierce, but that class needs to be taught. End of story. I hate math, as usual. Mr. Dunn is...well, he's Mr.Dunn. AP Psych has its ups and downs, but for the most part, I'm satisfied with it. I'm so afraid colleges are gonna see my 7th/8th semester grades and withdrawl my admittance, lol.

As my final semester of high school nears, I really don't know what I want to do. I know for sure I'm doing pit for the spring musical, but I don't know what I want to do. Maybe GI and CP again? That was fun. I want to write for the newspaper SO badly, but I lack the writing skills and creative outlet..I guess? Maybe I'll just work my ass off and save some money for Prom and stuff. I don't know what I want these days. I just want to enjoy my final days with the friends I care about. Everyday it becomes more evident that I'll be leaving them. Well, we will see. Until then, good night.

Liz Necka, I hope you read this. haha.

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[08 Oct 2006|10:38pm]
Best night of my life. I'm glad this was my senior homecoming.
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Twice as high as heaven, twice as clear as reason. [27 Aug 2006|07:48pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

Long time no update. I suppose I have been to busy with non-online things for the past 3 weeks or so. I blame this mainly on marching band. of course. But heres a succinct update:

-I had my last two weeks of band camp. At the end of band camp, we had 2/3 of the show learned, and Mr.Snoeck told us that we have the "best chance" since 1999, so all in all, it was a good, last band camp.

-Alex finally returned from Mexico. So that was a nice end of the summer.

Ok, onto more recent events. School just began, and I'm really loving senior year. My classes are pretty good, and Alex is there, too. AP biology is probably my most enjoyed class and coming in at a close second is AP pyschology. AP bioloy is incredibly awesome because all of my close middle school friends are in it, and it feels so natural to be with them again. AP psych is just so interesting and Ms. Lindenberg is CRAZY; but a good crazy nonetheless. My worst class (academically) is ALREADY pre-calc. I'm not sure why, and I don't want to blaim it on ALL on Mr. Dunn, but at least I have Goss in my class to help me. Oh, I forgot about Law -which is one of my favorite classes, too. Gotta love Mr.Smith. Well, I believe that's all I have to say about school.

Marching band is gonig pretty well, mainly because Mr.Snoeck comes every week now. Our first performance was last friday. It was OK for a first performance. 2 people fell, which made me sort of angry, but whatever; it was first performance. I just can't wait until we start competitions. Our show is really good this year. But on a lighter note, I must be doing homework, goodnight sirs.

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The home-stretch is near. [28 Jul 2006|12:15am]
[ mood | moody ]

Hello all. Not too much to update everyone on. Band camp is in 3 days which also means that my summer is over in 3 days. Liz's grad party/Maria's birthday party is saturday and I'm still without a gift for both of them. Argh. but on a lighter note, alex will be back in 10 days. That will probably be one of the best moments this whole summer, no doubt.

My rant about bandCollapse )

Ok, moving onwards. For some odd reason I want to go to school. >_< I don't know why. Maybe because it's structured, and I also miss seeing some in-school friends. I want my schedule as well. I know I'm taking AP pyschology, AP bio, adv goverment, gym, adv english, pre-calc, and Law. It's weird not having Wind ensemble in my schedule anymore. But why should I do band if I don't plan on majoring or minoring in music? Meh.

Well, its late and I should be sleeping. Good nite.

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Y perdona usted señora, pero cuando la alma llora el silencio no es remedio para calmar el sufrir [23 Jul 2006|11:00am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Quite busy these past few days. Lets start from friday. Friday was the most random day ever. I was sitting there talking to my mom and Nicole calls me and says "I have free tickets to a Bon Jovi concert, do you want to go?" At this point, I figured so was joking almost, but I still said yes and scurried my way to her house. I ended up being the first one to get there out of the five others somehow. So around 6ish we rounded up everyone (Nicole, Kevin, Sarah, Tania, Bart and myself.) and headed downtown to soldier field. The way there was bad because there was so much traffic and not to mention Bart and Tania went under the wrong exit sign and got lost. After sitting for about 2 hours in traffic we made it and walked to solider field. The concert was good except I only knew 3 songs, one being "It's my life" which they played and it complete made my night better. After the concert we took a few pictures of the skyline and such then headed back to the cars. Everyone was hungry so we looked for a place that would be open even though it was like 12am at this point in time. Johnny Rockets was open but we couldn't find a place to park, so we just headed up to darien to find a wendys and then eat at Kevin's house. We ate then Nic drove me back home at almost 2ish. Fun night.

Pictures from concert/chicagoCollapse )

Moving on to last night. I had to work lsat night but my mom let me have the car so I was planning to go out after work. Liz and Pedro came into Rave to visit me for about 15 minutes then I was gonna meet up with after I got off. Everything is going well until my assistant manager calls me to the backroom. She said she had to ask me a question so I followed her in. She then says to me, "Maria wanted me to say that your band camp request off is being deneyed[sp?] so either you not request off those 2 weeks or tonight is your last night" WTF?!?! So, in a nutshell, Maria fired me indirectly because I couldn't take band off even though she just fucking hired 2 new girls (one of which is Amber serpe, yuck) So I'm really upset now knowing that I have no more money for the rest of the summer becuase of my bitchy boss. Anyway, I meet Liz and Pedro outside by my car and tell them the news and to tell them to meet me at my house. We get to my house and we decided to go see a movie. I wanted to see Clerks II, but Pedro is only 16, so Liz wanted to see Lady in the water. So I thoguht we were going to say that we were seeing that so Pedro could sneak into Clerks II, but I was wrong. Lets jsut say Lady in the water was HORRIBLE. So horrible that after liz left to be home for curfew, Pedro and I left. After that we went looking for food, but not alot of things were open after 12ish. So we talked about our relationships and stuff, then I dropped him off. Half way to my house, I notice he left his permit on my dashboard, so I turn around and drive all the way back to Wood dale (now 1:10am). I dirve back, give it to him, he tried to give me food, lol, then I left and got home around 1:30ish. And the moral of this story is that Jasmine is very tired this sunday.

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Sweet home Chicago [20 Jul 2006|01:19am]
(Copied from my blog)
Sorry, I don't know how to do a LJ cut, so bear[sp] with me.
So Liz, Pedro, and I strolled down to Chicago for an evening of music, food, and fun. I have a few pictures from Liz's camera that I'm gonna post on here:

Chicago lights?

More of our beautiful city

Gotta love the L-train.

A messed up bean picture.

Pedro being limber...

Me and Pedro disobeying laws. ^^

  The band concert featured at the Gay Games. Great music indeed.

Cute pic and Pedro and Liz.

BAD picture of me indeed.

Pedro trying to get his alien family to beam him up, lol.

Me and Liz being badasses.

  Me, making a weird face at the bean.

Ditto for Pedro.

Ditto for all of us.

Our best friend from the train. hehe.

Pedro, after a fight. Que triste..

Well, that is it for now folks. Good nite
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Hoy puede apagarse el sol pero no la luz de mi alma [04 Jul 2006|11:01pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

What a sucky 4th of July. So I basically worked from 10 to 5:30, went shopping for my trip, then came home. Then my god parents came over, then thats it. Damn.

But the good new is that I'm leaving on friday...

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whaaaa? [16 Jun 2006|05:45pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

So yeah, it's my birthday...weird.

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*yawn* [14 Jun 2006|08:01pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Not much to update, but I'll share a little bit in bullet form:

+The magic waters plan fell threw, but we ended up having a lot of fun anyway. P.S. Never go to the schaumburg park district pool.

+My birthday is friday

+We already have the first two movements in marching band

+I'm leaving in 23 days for Washington D.C.

+I think I may have successfully "hooked" two people up.

That's basically it. If I'm not at work, I'm at band, and if I'm not at either I'm half miserable. I hate work, but it's better than sitting on my ass all day. This week has been really weird. It's either really really good one day, or really, really shitty the next day. I don't understand. I hope my birthday isn't crappy though. I personally don't want to do that much aside from a little bit of shopping and dinner with some people. Me and parties don't mix well. *shrug*. Russ said he'd take me to see Nacho Libre, so I might take him up on that offer if things aren't too busy. We'll see I suppose. But until then kids, I must be off to do nothing. Good nite.

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Stuck in a dream, a nightmare of sorrow. [08 Jun 2006|12:53am]
[ mood | complacent ]

*yawn*. Summer break is now officially in full swing. I had my last two parades for band and its half way into June. Crazy. Work has been sort of a hassle, but it's going ok I suppose. Friday I'm going to Magic Waters with nic, alex, pedro, kevin, bart, and more. Should be fun. Hmm...my birthday is next friday. wow, 17....

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I'm done. [04 Jun 2006|06:15pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

No more parades, bitches.

That's my only update for now.

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there's no greater love. we must open up our wounds [29 May 2006|07:21pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

Today marked the beginning of my last [and hopefully best] year in Marching band. The Itasca parade was today and all I can say is I'm glad it's my final one. It was ridiculously hot and humid outside. On of the freshmen in my section barely made it passed the first roll-off withour puking (or, at least, coming close to it.) So it ended up being Martin, Josie, and I in the section. The parade would've been ok if I wasn't constantly yelling out LEFT, LEFT, LEFT to the rookie trombone in front of me. I know I'm a senior and Julie is the supposed leader in her section, and she never said a word to him about keeping in step. I don't know, Mr. C keeps hinting to me that I may be section leader of the trombones and baritones this season; which would be utterly amazing. That excited me because I have a lot of new ideas this year for the low brass and I think it would help a great deal, especially since our sound is going to take a little more time to mature contrary to previous years. Mr. C told us today after the parade that we will be getting show music at our next rehersal. It's gonna be weird playing trombone 1 this year and trying not to support the section with just mine and Jose's sound. I'm so excited about my section, in particular, this year. Auggie and Martin are incredibly cool for freshmen and they work well together. And what's even better is that they actually seem to like me and they are willing to talk to me; definitely a plus. Last year, Sacario tried to ignore me as much as possible...I'm not sure why though.

Ok, new subject. So yesterday, I worked 8 hours then drove home anticipating hanging out with Alex and his friend Pedro. The good news, I got to see alex, the bad news, Pedro didnt get to see us. So after some hard negotiating, I went to Alex's house around 9ish and stayed until 12am. I can honestly say everytime I see him it just gets better and better. Call me a fickle teenager all you want, but there's something different about this relationship, honestly. We have quite a deep and inimitable connection that amazes me everytime I think about it. But that's too broad of a topic to go into now, so onto another topic.

Three days of school left until I enjoy my last summer without worries. I have pretty good grades -a lot better then last year this time and last semester. I'm already on honor roll, so even if I do fail my finals I'll be ok. Speaking of finals, I definitley just go my band jury yesterday and just practiced it today. It's called Two Spanish Dances, it's incredibly easy so hopefully I'll get a 99 on it again like last semester. The rest of my finals I'm not too worried about, so I'm gonna use the next couple of days to chill.

I have my summer pretty much planned out now. June is the only month where I nothing crazy going on besides my birthday. July is gonna be crazy though. At midnight on july 7, I'm going with a few of my friends to see pirates of the caribbean 2, then leaving for Washington D.C at 6am. Fun stuff. I get back from D.C. July 16, then my mom is thinking about sending me to California for a week before I start band camp I believe. So july is gonna be gone before I know it. And then of course, August marks the end of the summer, AKA Band camp. But my last band camp at least. I wish I was going to florida with nicole so I could miss tag day and the first day of school, but I guess it's ok. Alex, Liz, and Jose are all going to mexico this summer. That's gonna suck so badly. All my friends are gonna be gone, so I guess I have work to look forward to just like Nicole.

Wow, I didn't realize how long this post was, sorry. I think I got just about everything off my mind for now, so goodnight kids.

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Beef is when a gold-digger got your seed in her, a manicured hand out like "pay me nigga" [28 May 2006|09:18am]
[ mood | awake ]

I'm definitely not looking forward to this day. I just got back from bell choir and and I have to go to Jose's house to get my jury [oops] and then its off to work for the whole fucking day. I hate working 8 hour shifts, not cool at all. So yeah, if you're bored today, come visit me at rave. So hoepfully after work I'll hang out with alex then tomorrow is the I-town memorial day parade...+_-. Kill me now. And hopefully I'll be seeing Alex and Pedro tomorrow.

wow....en tres dias, yo será una "Senior" w00t.

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The very first time that I saw your brown eyes, I knew right then you were the one. [21 May 2006|11:13am]
[ mood | awake ]

So last night was one of the best nights of my life. ♥

School gets out in a week and three days. Thank God. And in a month and a half from now, I'll be in Washington D.C.

Things are looking a lot better now.

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They choose a path where no-gone goes, they held no quarter. [09 May 2006|07:09pm]
[ mood | exanimate ]

Nothing much to say at this moment. This has been an easy week so far. Marching band yesterday, and hanging with Kaitlin this afternoon. I bought some hair dye this afternoon as well. I used it, but you can't really tell. *shrug* I guess I'll try again in 3 weeks. Oh well. This week has gone by pretty fast contrary to what I previously thought. I have 2 field trips this week. w00t. Tomorrow is the english in school field trip featuring the Vietnam speakers, and of course, the six flags field trip. I can't wait to go to six flags; its been roughly 2 years since I've gone, ugh. The only thing that sucks is that Lindsey couldnt go, and she is one of my only friends that likes rollercoasters. Lame, right? I thought so. But I plan to just get all the work done in the first hour with Nic and sarah and have the rest of the day to myself.

Sorry this entry was so succinct, but I forgot the catharsis I previously prepared just for LJ somewhere. Oh well. Sorry kids, goodnight.

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Vicariously I live while the whole world dies. Much better you than I [07 May 2006|10:53am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

I'm really tired this morning. Friday consisted of nothing...a little chaotic though. My plans fell through with alex but then I ended up having Russ and Jon over for a little. Yesterday (saturday), I had to watch my sister, Alex came over for a while, and then I hung out with nicole a little bit. Sadly, I didn't get to go to the sox game with Russ. But seeing alex was DEFINITELY worth every bit of misfortune in my day. After alex left, Nicole and I planned to go to the movies, but my mom didnt want me to leave my sister alone, so I picked nicole up and we went to blockbuster and we got Fun with Dick and Jane and Hostel. She left my house then I finished the movie (again, lol) then went online, talked to alex then went to bed with my clothes on...lol. Woke up around 10 thinking I had to work, but I don't work until this friday....-_-. Im really poor right now. I think im gonna apply to starbucks today. w00t, half day on wednesday and great america on thursday. easy week indeed.

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I know you'll be the sun in someone else's sky, but why not more? [28 Apr 2006|10:11pm]
[ mood | weird ]

Wow. It's been a long time since I've updated, I guess it's because I haven't had much to say; moreorless, things to share with the interenet public. Things have been going ok, I suppose. Somethings better than others, but nothing out of the ordinary. School has been a complete and utter bore, and work has been so-so. I took the ACT and the PSAE this week; hopefully my scores will reflect what I truly am capable of this time around. The PSAE was ridiculously easy, the ACT, well, it was the ACT to say in the least. I know I'm going to take it again so I can take the writing portion to boost my english grade up a few points. ACT aside, school is going pretty well, all my grades are pretty good, and I think my goal of a B- in math is more attainable than I had imagined. Much to my dismay, I have a D+ in physics because our group failed the bridge project, so I need 1.4% better in order to go to six flags in 2 weeks --I think I have a chance.

Today was an interesting day. I was content with the first half, but the second, not so much. I practically have to work all weekened, except tonight, which was spent doing nothing because my mom worked all night. So I've been pretty morose all night. Probably because marching band is starting Monday night and I feel as if my so-called "life" is coming to a screeching hault. Sure, band is only one day a week, but still. It's my senior year in band, thus translating into a major responsiblity for me. Mr. C has already informed me that I'm gonig to be Baritone and Trombone section leader, which is incredible for my stand point. I can't wait to start competiting. Personally, I don't need fun this year, I want to win AT LEAST state, god.

On the topic of Alex and me, we are doing just fine for the most part.

Well, that is all have to say for now. Goodnight.

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Don't sleep on me homie, I bring nightmares to reality [02 Apr 2006|12:11am]
[ mood | groggy ]

What a tiring day. I woke up around around 10 with the world's worst thorat ache ever. So nic called me and I'm pretty sure I flipped her out with my fucked up voice, lol, then afterwards, I called into work sick and luckily, she gave me the next 2 days off. I talked to my dad and then Alex then did some chores, ate some soup and fell asleep. I woke up around 4ish [feeling way better] and did some chores while listening to some hip-hop...weird right? lol. My mom got home around 6, then I left and went to visit Nic and kevin then headed to Oakbrook to go pick up my sister. Long story short, I missed the exit, ended up almost by NIU and wasted a half tank of gas. So I got tyler, went to mcdonalds and got sundaes, and now I'm here. I feel like I completely wasted my whole day for some reason, but I suppose I needed the rest. I have no clue how I'm gonna spend the last day of break. Sadly, I won't be spending it with Him, but I'll probably be with Nicole pending our plans go accordingly. Well, I should be going to bed now, I have bell choir in a few hours. Good nite kids.

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